My 2008

What have I done this past 2008? A LOT! And the highlight? Would have to be my FAN GIRL moments. I won't deny it! I am happy being a fan girl! Why?

I would have to say, it kept me sane this year. Same as the previous years. It just so happen, this year I'm no longer a closet fan girl! I'm a SELF CONFESS FANGIRL!! And what better way to do that by joining a FANCLUB! Yes I did! I joined Fahrenheit Family Pinas! Which lead me to having so many wonderful friends! Eventually they became my second family! I attended 6 EB so far and I'm loving every second of it. I haven't missed a single EB every since I joined! It's just too much fun and not seeing my "family" and catching up on them is missing a lot!!!

Eventually my crazy moments led from one to another! One of them was July 12, inside ABS-CBN compound. Two handsome Taiwanese idols came out and shook the whole place! I was so torn between looking at Chun and Calvin! I can't decide which is more handsome! Hahaha!! The "family" knows I'm a CHONGKIES but Mr. Sunshine just stunned me so much I was practically silent every time I looked at him! But that wasn't just it! That night, we literally STALKED them! I know stalking is bad and I shouldn't be proud of it but we just wanted a chance. It's not like I was proposing to the guy!! It was hair raising heart pumping moment! I never dreamed of doing it my self but it was definitely fun! And both guys were so friendly you can help but get attracted even more!

And more HEAVEN moments came in! Eventually I discovered Big Bang through my friends!! I have to say this is the HIGHLIGHT! It started out as an innocent curiosity by watching an MV of Last Farewell (english version) in YT and the rest is history! Now I have every all their songs in my MP3 player and I even have some of their vids in my phone! But aside from that my life is now bonded with B3! Every time we are together, me and my BITCHES make heads turn! We didn't mean to, except people are too curious why we scream and laugh out loud! We are indestructible specially when we're together. So reminder, never mess with the Bitches!

2008 is the year my life took a 360 degree turn! I'm happy even if I'm jobless. life is too short to deny yourself of the little things in life.

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE!!

killing me softly!

letcheng KBS! you're killing me softly!! i wanna watch them perform yet you didn't even let me have a glimpse at them! why?













i haychu!!

SBS Gayo, live streaming last night!

kagigising ko lang. naghilamos pa lang ako para magising na ako ng tuluyan! syete kasi yang SBS GAYO na yan!!! akala ko talaga wala na akong pag-asang makapanood kasi naman! buffering for 800 years noh!! adik! bigla ba namang nagcomplete ang buff! at ayun nakita ko si Seung Ri kasama si Tae Yeon!!! Hala! Biglang nagstop!! Super choppy ng reception! nawawalan na ako ng gana manood! biglang may 2 na piano! Shet! Don't wanna try yun ah! Biglang naghang! Letch! sige irestart! huhuhu!! naririrnig ko si Xiah! pero ndi gumagalaw yung vid! @$#%#$% talaga!! Text ko si Karibs!! Awwww!!

eto na lang talaga ang pag-asa ko! Thank GOD!! tumaas yung buffer ko to 502% at yes ang linaw ng panood ko. ndi na kasing choppy before!! napanood ko ng malinaw ang perf ng WG ng Nobody! at ang galing nila! i love their look! panalong panalo! sexy without looking like slut! haha!! Biglang na akong nagtatalon! Si GD at TOP na! Potah! Sorry for the words! Ang perf nila with chocolate syrup ah! and my gawd!!! JiYong's Hair is back!!!! i think kaya nya tinatakpan eh kasi surprise nya yun sa GAYO!! and i almost fell from my seat! FAN GIRL kung FAN GIRL! wapakels sa mama at uncle ko na nakakakita sakin mangisay at maghihiyaw!! Naloka pa ako kasi si YB parang gusto pumunta ng stage! Memorize ang kanta!! Hahaha!! nakakatuwa! ang gwapo talaga ni JiYongie ko!!

After that, si krags yung nagperf bumaba yung buffer ko! kaya nainis tuloy ako sa kanya! ndi ko naman pwede iswitch ng channel kasi noh live streaming lang naman toh, pero as in bumaba to 30% yung buffer ko. muka naman nga akong sira nagchachant ng "higher BUFFER, higher!!" ano toh Deal or No Deal? adik lang eh! ahahaha!! Then pinakita yung mga host si Ye Jin at the other guy, sorry ndi ko memorize name nya, lang pinakita! "Where's Dae Dae?" I thought. Biglang may light bullb sa ulo ko!! BIG BANG NA!!!! And syet! ang intro vid! SWAT team!! Panalo talaga! ang entrance ba naman sa stage eh via Van yung pangSWAT team talaga! letch akala ko sa vid pa rin, biglang lumabas sila! ay stage na!! then the music played and all i can say is "OH AH OH!!!" eto yung song nagugustong gusto makita ni karibs is perform ng BB, at yan natupad na! although ndi full version, mas nakakawindang naman yugn sumunod!! "I'm Strong Baby! Crack! Crack! Crack!" letche! bigla akong natigilan!!! Ang GWAPO NI SEUNG RI!!! NICE HAIR TALAGA!! For sure si Vicky nangingisay nung pinapanood nya yan! haha!! adiktus! At take note! akala ko si GD ang mag-rarap, ay sinolo nya lahat! It made me think tuloy na sya nga rin yung nagrap sa studio version, yung nasa album. At nang matapos si V, WE WERE ALL IN HEAVEN!! (until now) 24/7 my heaven! Shet, their in white jackets, at ang fur ni Yong Yong ay umaapaw! as in! haha!! ayaw nya sa fur! haha!! thank you Lord for giving me a good reception! as in kala ko baba yung buffer ko kasi baka biglang dumagsa yung manonood. buti na lang late sila nagsi dagsa! after na nang perf nila! haha!!

sobrang saya ko! i was almost crying! tears of joy kung baga! wala na nga akong pake sa mama at uncle ko nasinisigawan ako na itigil na daw toh. hay! this just made my resolve stronger! I won't die without watching their (BIG BANG) concert. Really, i wanna see them!

after watching them, sinunod si Rain! at ang letcheng Rain, 2nd perf nya yung Rainism, potek na dila yan! hoy!! itago mo yan! ndi tuloy kami nakahinga! dito medyo nagchoppy na! pero yung last number nya yung DEADS moment ko, "love story!" Biglang naghang! potek!! ang naabutan ko na lang eh naliligo si Rain sa stage! nyeta!!!

Pero ndi pa jan natatapos ang kawalang hiyaan ng SBS GAYO! Isunod daw ba ang DBSK!! at pucha! bat nakakulong si Xiah sa glass!! pero Wrong Number yung kanta! kala ko Mirotic eh! haha!! At ayun after ng "reset reset!' Naging choppy! Letch! Restart ng window! Hay ayun umayos, pero ang buffer bumaba!! ang adik! Biglang rap part na ng Mirotic? Ay iniba lang pala nila yung version nila! haha!! biglang "i got you.... under my skin"? nabingi ba ako! text si karibs! letch! kinig ulit! UNDER MY SKIN nga!! ang patunay? nagpakita ng skin!!! haha!!! mga adik!!!

buti na lang after nila dumating yung ate ko! ndi ko na pinanood si BOA! haha!! pinalayas na din naman ako sa comp eh! haha!! MASAYA talaga ako! letcheng SBS Gayo yan! hirap talaga ako huminga kagabi! nakakabaliw!!

a happy me

i just came from a vacation but i already am missing a lot of people or rather i'm down and wish i could be with my B3! ewan ko bat ganito? siguro nga masyado akong madrama minsan. ay wala naman kasi akong major problem. take note ah! i don't consider my being a BUM as a major problem. ok so maybe i'm partially afraid that i won't get hired when i applied. but partially afraid that i WILL GET HIRED if i applied. nakakaloka noh! both of those are my reasons why i'm stalling my job application. bruha talaga ako! i can't continue living with the interest of my investments. as time goes by, it won't be enough anymore. baliw nga talaga ako!

finally i admitted the truth! takot akong DI MATANGGAP at takot din akong MATANGGAP! ano ba lae? make up your mind! nakakatawa! most of the time i'm not confuse when it comes to other people's problem. pero bakit pagdating sakin parang wala akong magawa? confuse as always and all i can do is hope for the best! i don't regret resigning! that's something na i know i did right. maybe not in the most professional way but it was a right move to leave. and besides, i'm only turning 22 next year! there's still a long way for me to pursue my dream. magkakatrabaho ako alam ko yun! it's just that i don't wanna rush things anymore. tama na yung finorce ko yung sarili ko to continue with my past job. siguro nga quitting are for losers. well quitting that job loss me about 9k a month but atleast my mind is a little healthier.

hay, problema ba talaga kung wala akong trabaho? ndi naman talaga big deal sya sakin. pero tao lang ako! i have fears. give me some credit from breaking a habit. i think that is my problem. i can easily break from a habit. i can easily stop playing ORPGs as i can easily avoid eating sweets or i can easily avoid spending money. wala naman talaga akong routine. and that's why i don't want to have a job. everything turns into a routine! ayokong maprogram ang buhay ko! i know i'm smart and i should know better, pero eto talaga ako eh! i have a thirst for originality anf uniqueness. i'm a risktaker... still i have to plan my life around the people i love. i can't askthem anything more. enough na yun mga nagawa nila sakin! enough na yung alam ko mahal nila ako! but of course i hope they'll understand me. i'm not perfect, i never want to be perfect. all i want to be is me, a happy me.

no i'm not

shit! this is why i was angry at her so much...




























i identified myself so much of her that it felt like i was reading my own biography.








how did this happened?
i'm not her!


















i don't wanna be her...

for you...

i'm sorry. i guess my heart hasn't fully healed after all. i totally feel guilty not for leaving you but for realising that i don't love you anymore. it feels so painful because i know i failed. i failed at love. after all my good advices to my friends i failed at my own relationship. i didn't cheated yet i feel so desperate. i just really fell out of love. basically i consoled my self by thinking that what i did was still for you. but i guess i was selfish. i couldn't sacrife my life for you anymore. i'm sorry. and i know it's not enough. it's allmost 11 months since i broke up with you yet i haven't forgotten anything. i don't love you anymore yet i still care. but i don't even have the guts to see you. yes i'm a coward. i thought that when i decided to broke it off with you was the bravest thing i did. maybe you don't notice but i hate confrontation. maybe you really don't cause i would always force you to tell me what's wrong. but the break up just meant i quit. i quit at loving you. and it's hard for me to quit. you're not an addiction but the comfort of knowing i won't be physically alone seems tempting. still my heart and mind were so sure that i no longer feel the same about you.

i'm not confuse. i still believe that what i did was right. and i did failed myself. i pretend long enough that i lost myself. the truth behind my move was i'm sicked and tired of knowing that i would be stuck to nothingness. i'm sorry if i'm ambitious or goal oriented. you should have seen it. you know how much belief people put in me. and it didn't help when you put your own pressures on me. i wanted someone who would be there for me when i'm tired saving others. someone who can stand by my side and fight for me. not someone who consumes my energy. i'm burdened yet you seem so oblivious of what you're doing to me. i'm sorry. i no longer love you the same still i thank for the memories and the lessons learned. live well your life. maybe i was just another stranger passing by your life to show you the right way. same goes for you. i'm sorry and thank you again.