thoughts

if i wasn't like this would i have a different life?

most likely...

but for some reason i want to stay this way.

it's probably stupid and childish for others

but this is who i am

i haven't done anything shameful

i have tried so hard not to feel this way

but i have to go

i feel guilty leaving you behind

but if i stay i know it'll just get worst.

i'm not running away

sometimes you just have to retreat to fight another day.

kilala nyo kung sino kayo....

naiinis ako, naiiyak ako. tinagalan nyo na nga kami ng nanay binuwag nyo pa kami. pati yung pag-asa ko tinanggal nyo pa. at hindi pa kayo na kuntento, binawi nyo na naman ang salita nyo. mga walang isang salita. MGA SINUNGALING!! at ano susunod iiwan nyo na lang kami sa kangkungan? ndi ko alam pero para lang kayong mga gagu! pinag-isipan nyo ba toh? gusto nyo na ba talaga masira? sana tinanggal nyo na lang kami. torture! alam nyo yun! ndi ko maintindihan kung saan yung business point of view dito? business major ako of course i know. bwiset talaga kayo. kung kelan tanggap na namin yung mapupuntahan namin binago nyo na naman. wala na talaga akong pinaniniwalaan sa mga sinasabi nyo. wala akong pake kung sa kayo nagtapos at kung magkano kinikita nyo dahil napagtanto ko na hindi kayo karapatdapat bigyan ng tiwala. sana talaga tinanggal nyo na lang kami. hindi ganitong pinapaikot ikot nyo kami. at wag nyo kami masisi-sisi sa mga susunod na mangyayari. kayo guwa ng decisyon na nagpagulo sa sitwasyon, kayo din umayos nyan! matatanda na kayo, alam nyo na dapat responsibilidad nyo. kumilos naman kayo. wag nyo kaming tratuhin na parang laruan. nakakasakit na kayo ng tao. sobra na yung pinaggagagawa nyo samin. hindi pa ba sapat yun. kung hindi nyo kaya yung responsibildad nyo bilang nakakataas edi umalis kayo dyan ng mapalitan kayo ng tao may malasakit sa kapwa nya. pare-pareho lang tayong tao. ang pag-kakaiba lang natin ginagago nyo kami habang nakatalikod. nakakailang atraso na kayo samin. kelan nyo ba kami balak patahimikin. umayos naman kayo oh. mga tao kami. may mga buhay kami na ndi lang sa inyo umiikot kahit sabihn nyo pang binabayaran nyo kami. lecheng dahilan yon! kung ganyan kayo kababaw magsama-sama kayong mga gago!

ano ba talaga?

ano kayang balak nila??



wala pa rin ba talaga kaming schedule for next week??




bwisit! ndi tuloy ako makaplano ng lakad!

goodluck sa akin!

sana palarin ako! kasi kahit mas mababa sila magpasweldo mas maluwag at mas makakahinga naman ako ng maayos sa kanila! muka ring fix ang off! kaya ko naman talaga yung oras, yung higpit sa bawat minuto na hindi ka na makahinga, yun ang kinababaliw ko! ayoko namang bigla na lang magbreak down! wala akong sinisisi, alam ko yung pinasok ko. kaya nga ako din yung humahanap ng paraan para malampasan ko toh! kaya ko toh! aja! fighting! sana talaga payagan ni Lord!

What If

Before you continue in reading it's best to play What If (below) so you can feel it! Bawal mag-bash, namiss ko na magsulat ng script eh! hahaha!!

What If - 슈퍼 주니어 (Super Junior)


Camille: Hey Jake! Can you come with me? I need to get something from the market.

Jake: (sighs) I... (looks down) I'm busy! (turns away)

Camille: Busy? (grabs Jake's shoulder) I heard you just finished your chores! (pout and raise an eyebrow)

Jake: (looks at Camille calmly) How can you be like this? (shakes his head from left to right)

Camille: (hits Jake's arm) What kind of friend are you? (hits Jake's arm again)

Jake: (looks down on the floor) I need to do something.

Camille: (holds Jake's face and force him to look at her) So there is something more important than me huh? (stare directly to Jake's eyes)

Jake: (release from Camille's hands and turns his back and then faced Camille) Look! Your the most important person in mylife Camille! My world is basically just revolving around you! (stare directly at Camille) And I'm happy to have it this way! (looks down) I'm willing to wait, but I've waited long enough to know that this is hopeless. (looks again at Camille)

Camille: (stares back) I... I didn't know.

Jake: (sarcastically laugh) You don't know? (sarcastically laugh) Or you just don't give a damn! You just don't feel the same way. And I'm tired! I'm tired of loving someone I know who will never feel the same way!

Camille: Jake! Please... (Jakes interrupts)

Jake: (raise his hand to silence Camille) You don't have to pity me Camille. I'm already in pain and I don't need you sympathy. You know what I want, what I need. (jake walks away)

Camille: Jake! Please hear me out. (shouts) Jake!

"I need to let go of you or I'll just be a burden to you in the end and I can't blame anybody for thei sufferings but myself... Forgive me my friend, I shouldn't have fallen in love with you..."

- Jake

Bangkok...

i just wanna say that i wanna go back to Bangkok! not just because of the upcoming concert (na ewan ko kung kaya ko ah) but the country itself was very refreshing even if it look so similar with the our own.

to my frustration, i printed two of our pictures there, one was posted by ikay in plurk. the moment i put it up on my station i started smiling more. i even got a lot of peopl ask where was it. i even explained our pose in those pictures. i really miss our adventures there! thank you as well for granting my wish to atleast see those famous temples.

i miss Bangkok. there so much more to explore in it. i really do wish to go back there but maybe later this year but not this coming June. i'm still unprepared financially wise. as for my mom, she'll probably understand. she knows i'm stress out. she'll understand.

hayz! hope to see you all, kpop, ajhummas and bitches again!

let me just do this, ok?!?

it's 3 am in the morning and i just need to let this out. as much as i want to fall in love with my job, it can't be done. i use to say that i can do it. and i am doing it. but for how long??? they say that we're earning more than other people. but do i need that much? i'm not that much a spender actually. not even with my addiction to kpop. i can control my spending habits. sometimes i really think that the money isn't worth it. it isn't worth the sadness i feel. yes, i'm quite sad and frustrated with my job. honestly, i'll probably last only for four months until the 20 thousand bond is finally over.

don't get me wrong, i know what i signed up for. and the job is no joke. but i can definitely cope but the elements attach to this job makes me realize that it's either them or i who first give up. i'm just being honest with myself. i'm trying to make this work. have a job and still keep MY LIFE. i won't let this job take over of who i really am. i miss a lot of things, especially a lot of people. i miss my family and the only way for me to maintain my connection is to at least wake up an hour earlier than my needed time to prepare to go to work. same thing with my girls. i have to wake up earlier and i don't blame my friends for it. i blame my schedule. it's the time frame that is very frustrating. the constant changes of schedules and day off rips you off the chance to do something else with your life.

i really don't get who made the schedule in this industry to be to inconstant. no wonder a lot of people with give this up for a meager job. i have thoughts about that. every time i would come in i would look at the receptionist and envy her. she's just sitting there doing some little secretarial jobs still she get the same benefits just with lesser salary. if her salary is minimum i'll take it! i used to work in makati for a minimum salary and always spend 50% of it just for fare! imagine i was able to survive for 4 months on that! and i was even able to buy myself some stuff like my BB photo book.

i know that no job is easy. stress will always be around it, it's part of it! but just put it this way, i won't do this for a long time. no one will. everyone is expecting to move on and i just hope the time i need will be short or better. i'm not expecting much! no expectations regarding me reaching the metrics in time. i don't want an added pressure.

namiss ang pag-aadik...

this past few days or weeks really took a toll on me! too much that i really felt depress! ang dami ko kasing namimiss! kahit anong laban ko eh wa epek! buti na lang talaga at na-up lift na ang mood ko! kundi goodluck na lang talaga! haha!!

basta ngayon i'm in a way BETTER MOOD! ndi na ako depress! and i can look forward to work now! ndi man ako magpapakabibo sa office pero i won't be so f*cking negative! like what they say "shit happens."

pakyu guyz!! ndi nyo man alam, pero it's a big thing na andyan kayo!!

lulubusin ko na ang pag-aadik! wala akong pake kung makorean o mamandarin ko yung mga amerikano! ndi pa rin naman nila gets yun eh! haha!! belat!

'till I met you ..... a disappointment

not to be bias but really don't go wasting your 105 pesos on watching KC and Richard's new movie. to tell you the truth the story is just not right. How can you love cheating characters? well I've seen better movies involving that, like my Best Friends Wedding or even A Love Story. I had some expectations in this movie just because it's Joel Lamangan. but I was completely disappointed! I know I'm not a critic or a film graduate but I really didn't feel it. the supposedly "magic" kiss wasn't magical at all. it was force! really, and why do you kept asking if what your doing is wrong when you know it IS wrong! you've been secretly seeing another guy when your still committed. the thing is, there is no reason for her to hold on to her BF, why prolong the agony? it would have been better if KC at least had to choose between her true love or money. she doesn't exactly need money. they are getting by just fine. i find Richard's family case more realistic somehow. maybe KC's role would have work if she played more dumb. cause only a dumb person would stay in a relationship that brings nothing when you have someone better. it's not even like "loving you both is breaking all the rules" theme! I don't know when was this story written but it felt so old that it should belong to the nineties!

and as for the acting, I don't know why was that freaking scene shown or even included. the scene after Richard kiss KC. she was touching her lips, she looked like someone who went crazy literally. they could have done better. KC could have turned her back on Richard while still left savouring the moment. really it was a total turn off!! and please don't make Richard cry! I like him as an actor, but he has to go to workshops if he want to be a better actor. if he doesn't learn how to cry then say goodbye to dramas. and so is KC. she needs some more, way more workshops! i really don't get her acting. it feel so fake! i really can't sympathize to her roles and it bothers me that I probably won't watch any of her future projects if this continues. she better connect to her character more or she'll lose her audience. i really don't care that she's Sharon's daughter. not all talent can be inherited

thank you!!

thank you sa isang masayang birthday!

first time may nag-isip gumawa para sakin nun! touch talaga ako. thank you sa lahat lahat.
masaya ako kasi first time ko malayo sa family ko pero kayo ang nakasama ko!!

hanggang sa susunod na trip natin!

i'm in HEAVEN!! (SM TOWN Concert, Feb.

This is one of the MOST SPECIAL BIRTHDAY GIFT that i gave myself. I thought the trip was the gift but WATCHING THE SM TOWN CONCERT at the AR STANDING AREA made everything else MORE SPECIAL!!!

Last night was THE NIGHT TO REMEMBER. The opening number of my SHINeeng Stars lifted my spirits so high that I went in with the crowd right infront of me. I thought I knew myself but when they started performing Run It *deads* i just started waving the flag and Key's mic in the air!! Key went to our sides and damn that smile!! I melted away!! Then beside him was MY MINHO. He was so into the performance that I just can't help but notice, "POTANG KAGAT LABI YAN!!" Then they started to walk towards the seating area, ang CONFIDENCE NI ONEW HANGGANG LANGIT!! I can help but appreciate the effort he was putting to it!! Of course Jong Hyun bring the house down with his vocal range!! Pucha ang gwapo nya!! Pero ang Taemin, seeing him smile ang perform those moves, you'd wish he's older than 17!! All in all thLast night was THE NIGHT TO REMEMBER. The opening number of my SHINeeng Stars lifted my spirits so high that I went in with the crowd right infront of me. I thought I knew myself but when they started performing Run It *deads* i just started waving the flag and Key's mic in the air!! Key went to our sides and damn that smile!! I melted away!! Then beside him was MY MINHO. He was so into the performance that I just can't help but notice, "POTANG KAGAT LABI YAN!!" Then they started to walk towards the seating area, ang CONFIDENCE NI ONEW HANGGANG LANGIT!! They have 6 performances that is so amazing na muntik pa akong mawalan ng boses kakasigaw para sa kanila.

Then to a very suprising performance, lumabas from below ang TVXQ na naka-upo! A total turn around from the main stage dun sa front ng seating area! Ang nakakaloka, sa sobrang luwag the standing area eh nagtakbuhan ang mga fans para makalapit! At eto naman kami takbo din!! Akala ko nga ndi na sila haharap samin kasi sa seating area sila nakaharap!! But thank God, may another perf papala sila which is more upbeat and requires them to move and groove. At yun, humarap ang JJ at Max. Yun lang, ang gwapo! WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET!! Ang revelation, MAS GWAPO SA PERSONAL ANG YUNHO!! Iba yung mata nya sa pictures. Yun talaga yung napansin ko habang nagpeperform siya. At ang Micky, iba din! Iba yung kinis ng kutis nya at yung cheeks nya, at napaka cool nya magperform!! At yung boses ni Xiah, hands down, kala ko mapipigtasan ng ugat eh! haha!!

After ng perf nila, may narinig ako ang-rarap, pagtingin ko sa my screen, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, si EunHyuk!! He is my second fave kasi sa SuJu. Yung perf nila ni Xiah was so cute, best friends reunited!!! Tapos deads na, lumabas si Dong Hae and the rest of the SuJu member. Ang galing galing nila magperf. Sa dami nila ndi ko na maisa isa yung katuwaan ko!

But the highlights, waaaaaa, speechless. First highlight, would be yung opening ng SHINee!! Tanggap ko na maging NOONA as long as it's them! Second, was EunHyuk and Xiah's perf, the perf was as I said before cute, specially when you value friendship. Then Max's solo perf with Siwon on drums and Sungmin on guitars. Max could rock it out!! Fourth would be, YUNG TAENANG LETCHENG GAGONG KISS NI HEECHUL AT SIWON!! Taena talagang humalik tong si Heechul, ang sarap sarap!! Potah, ndi ako nagkamali ng pinili kita!! haha!!! Lastly yung DANCE BATTLE! Taena, ang Heechul nagrainism!! I knew it's him na talagang napanganga na lang ako!! haha!!

Basta I'm in HEAVEN!! HEAVEN TALAGA!!

i run out of words.. eto lang kaya ko

ndi ko na alam ang sasabihin!

mix emotions pa din!

basta naka pagpunit na ako ng papel ok na yun!

waaaaaaaaaaa!!

eto na! eto na!!

MAGPUPUNIT NA NAMAN AKO NG PAPEL!! HAHA!!

WALANG MASAYA LANG TALAGA AKO!

after the whirlwind and the whirlpool of emotions, ang hirap ipaliwanag ng nararamdamaan! tapos na yung problem sa mama at papa ko. tapos na din ang financial issues! ok na!

KARIBS!! mukang effective si dragon!! haha!!